The ProducEds: Springtime for Ed
by Flywheel Shyster and Flywheel
Summary: I've bet that most of you've seen the movie/musical The Producers, a story about the ultimate Broadway scam. And who is better to lead this scam than Eddy himself? Never seen The Producers? Me neither!
1. Opening night for Bloom

It's time to start yet another story that I will finish in like, seven… teen months. Now, I've never actually seen The Producers (The original, the musical or the 2005 movie version) so… This is going to be interesting.

* * *

Chapter 1: Opening night for Bloom

I doubt that anybody, in their honest opinion, will think that I own Ed, Edd n' Eddy or The Producers and even though I have not seen any version, I know enough to be able to make some sort of joke that Danny Antonucci or Mel Brooks have sold me more than 100 % of the rights' to The Eds' and The Producers (It's step 3 in Max/Eddy's plan), but it seems very expected of me.

* * *

He sighed and leaned his head towards the window of the cab. Eddward Bloom was in for yet another rough night. He looked out the window of the cab, the light of the neon signs advertising broadway shows flashing in front of his tired eyes. After spending yet another day at the office getting yelled at by his boss, Mr. Marks, he had decided to accept an invitation to a new Broadway musical called "Funny Boy". He was the accountant of the producer of the play, Eddy Bialystock. He had turned his offer down until he found out that the play was based on Shakespeare's Hamlet. Eddward had read every work of Shakespeare and was rather exited to watch the play. He leaned his head backwards.

"Mr. Bloom? We have arrived." The cab drivers voice pulled Eddwardout of his thoughts. He mumbled something to the driver and gave him a twenty. He received the change and stepped out of the car. He looked around and saw other people walking towards the entrance. They were wearing much more suitable clothes for a Broadway play than him, but what do you do when you work late without extra payment?. He stepped up to the entrance and handed his ticket to the valet. The valet looked at the ticket and then at Eddward. He eyed him from his usual black ski hat hanging from under his fedora to the tie hanging loosely around his neck to his socks that didn't match.

"I-I-"He pulled out a handkerchief and wiped his forehead. "M-Mr. Bialystock gave me this t-ticket, I-I am his accountant." He fingered nervously on his briefcase which contained his most valuable possession. His ocean blue security blanket.

"Well then Mr. Bloom, Mr. Bialystock foretold us of your arrival. Follow me." Eddward followed the valet who climbed a couple of stairs. The valet showed him his seat next to an older couple with binoculars. He mumbled something to the valet and handed him a buck. The valet bowed and left. Eddward nervously sat down and his eyes shifted to the clock on the wall. The play was about to start. He started to dig in his briefcase and pulled out a pair of socks. He pulled off his shoes and smiled nervously at the couple next to him. They looked at him with shocked faces. He tightened his tie and just as he put his shoes back on after switching socks, the light in the atrium was dimmed. A single actor stepped out on the stage.

"The way to the popcorn stand is long!"

'Oh boy…' Eddward thought and pulled out his security blanket and hugged it tightly.

* * *

'Offensive, offensive!' Eddward came jogging out from the theatre. The valets' opened the doors for him as he ran past them. He quickly stepped down the stairs and leaned forward, panting and sweating.

'And I work for that man…' He looked up at the entrance to see female valets walking in front of it. His breathing steadied as he started to hear voices. 'That's probably the voices of theatre lovers, chasing after the corpse of William Shakespeare who's chasing after Mr. Bialystock.' The female valets raised their voices and started to dance with the male valets following. Eddward looked at the valets' with a raised eyebrow.

_Opening night..._  
_It's opening night!  
Eddy Bialystock's latest show  
Will it flop or will it go?  
The intermission is starting now  
Out comes the audience, how  
they liked it, yeah, we can't really say...  
Doors' are open, they're on their way!_

Eddward heard the voices of the audience coming closer to the entrance. He took a step back to the wall, his ragged suit brushing against the wall. He saw the valets opening the doors in the same manners they had done to him. He moved closer to the entrance to hear what the audience had to say and to get away from the stench of a garbage can.

_He's done it again  
He's done it again  
Eddy Bialystock has done it again!  
We can't believe it  
You can't conceive it..._

Eddward raised an eyebrow, they liked the play? It was plain awful!

_How'd he achieve it?_

'Well, that's quite simple. He never-'

_It's the worst show in town!  
We sat there sighing  
Groaning and crying  
There's no denying  
It's the worst show in town!_

'I thought so.' Eddward looked at the moving masses of people who flooded out from the entrance. Eddwardmovedaway from the wall and hurried across the street. He started to wave at the taxis' driving by, seeing the people coming out of the entrance, the women walking out in one line and the men in a line opposite the women.

_Oh, we wanted to stand up and hiss..._

The women stood up and made a hand gesture towards the men.

_We've seen shit..._

The men leaped towards the women, grabbed their hands…

_But never like this!_

… And started to dance around each other. Eddwardstarted to wave more intensely at the cabs driving past him.

_Eddy Bialystock has done it again!  
The songs were rotten  
The book was stinkin'  
What he did to Shakespeare  
Booth did to Lincoln! _

'Some underlining truth...' A cab finally slowed down and Eddward threw himself at the car door. He opened it and jumped in.

_We couldn't leave faster..._

The cab driver turned around to face Eddward who was staring at the entrance to the theatre.

_What a disaster!_

Eddward faced the cab driver.

"Gr-grand central please!" The cab separated from the sidewalk and pulled out into the street. Pale, Eddward turned is head and looked back at the people, now leaving in their cars, not caring that the play wasn't over.

_We are still in shock  
Who produced this schlock?  
That slimy, sleazy Max Bialystock  
What a bum!!_

_

* * *

_

The short man was walking in small circles in front of his desk. Sweat was erupting on his forehead and he was breathing in short inhales. His eyes were shifting from his desk to the clock on the wall. He had an appointment with his accountant who had sounded pretty upset over the phone. The man was still looking over the reviews' of his latest play, or if you read New York Times: The biggest flop since Charlie Chaplin's last film; Monsieur Verdoux, "Funny boy". He had actually given his accountant a ticket to the play just so he could get an honest opinion on the play. He heard the weak, nervous knock on the door. He jumped over the desk and slid into his desk chair.

"Come in!" The door opened slightly and Eddward Bloom's head popped into the room.

"G-good day Mr. Bialystock." His whole body followed his head into the room. His eyes shifted from the man in the chair to the filing cabinet.

"Bloom! Just the man I wanted to see!" Eddy Bialystock stood up in his chair, grinning. "Sit down buddy!" He made a gesture towards a single chair in front of the desk.

"N-no thank you Mr. Bialystock, I'd much rather stand." His eyes shifted towards the filing cabinet again. "I-I'll just get starting on the books." He walked towards the filing cabinet and pulled out the middle drawer labeled: For Eddward. Eddy Bialystock could hardly contain his excitement to find out his trustworthy accountant's opinion.

"So… Bloom, what did you think of yesterday's play?" Eddward's eyes became wide as he discovered something in the books.

"In my honest opinion, your play had nothing to do with any of Shakespeare's works', it was rather offensive towards women and the man in the first minutes of the play had absolutely nothing to do with the play at all."

"And…?"

"I wouldn't recommend the play to a friend" 'Friend, yeah right…' He turned around to say something but Eddy was first.

"Oh Bloom, whatever happened to me, Eddy Bialystock, 'The King of Broadway', producer of such plays as 'You cheeky bastard', 'You cheeky bastard II: The bastard is back', 'You cheeky bastard III: Return of the cheekster', 'Family affairs II: This-a-time-it's-a-personal'-"

"Wasn't that the play were those mobsters' were offended and burned down the theatre?"

"It was indeed." Eddy shifted in his chair. "Anyway, being a producer really isn't a piece of cake."

"Really?"

"It ain't." Eddward turned to face Eddy, holding a book close to his body.

"Can I tell you something Mr. Bialystock?" Eddy made a hand gesture towards Eddward. "I've always wanted to be a Broadway producer, the glamorous life, meeting new people, creating cultural history! I just wish that I could quit my job and make the dream come true!" Eddward stared off into space as Eddy looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, we all dream of something. I, for one thing, would like to leave this crappy office and go to Rio!" He reached under the desk and pulled out a sombrero, put it on his head, jumped up on the desk, pulled out a guitar and started to play a stereotypical Spanish song. Eddward looked at Eddy, surprised at his sudden outburst of expression.

"Mr. Bialystock, despite your sudden outburst of excitement, I have not failed to notice that there is an error in these books." Eddward held the book out towards Eddy who pulled the sombrero off and threw it in a corner, his face becoming pale. "I see that you raised 100000 dollars for "Funny boy", but that the play only cost 98000 dollars, which means that 2000 dollars is unaccounted for." Eddy threw himself at Eddward, trying to grapple the books.

"Gimme!" Eddy tried to grab them, but Eddward looked at him, finally understanding.

"Insurance fraud?!" Eddy threw himself at Eddward and covered his mouth.

"Yes, maybe, but look at me! Once 'The King of Broadway', now reduced to romancing aging trailer trash who's inherited many euros' to sponsor me!" Eddy put on a dramatic face and put the back of his hand on his forehead. "This is all a former star has, are you really going to take it away?!" Eddy grabbed Eddward's collar and looked deep into his eyes. Eddward sighed and pulled Eddy's hands off of him. He pulled out the security blanket from his briefcase and wrapped it around his neck. "A security blanket? Really?" Eddy reached out and touched the corner of the blanket and pulled it off Eddward's neck. The reaction was instant.

"GIVEITYOUMEANIEMEANIEMEANIEBIGFATMEANIE!!!" Eddward screamed bloody murder at the shorter man, making the latter panic. Eddy looked around him and decided to throw the blanket in Eddward's face. Feeling the fabric against his skin, Eddward dove under the desk and collapsed in a hyperventilating ball. Eddy looked at Eddward during this process, horrified over his reaction. After Eddward dived in under the desk, Eddy rose, stood in front of the desk.

"Bloom?"

"I apologize Mr. Biaystock, but ever since I was a child, this blanket has been my most valued possesion." Eddy made a confused face to this."I'm sorry if I in any way frightened you."

"No, no, not at all." Eddy rolled his eys. "But will you tell anyone Bloom?"

"Since you obviously crossed the line, touching me in my most fragile state, I should since it is my duty as an accountant to report you. But since you did ask so nice…-"Eddward's head popped up with an irritated look on it, his voice dripping with sarcasm."… I will not tell anyone. Mr. Bialystock" Eddy pulled him out from under the desk and shook his hand violently.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you Bloom!" Eddy started to push Eddward out of his office. "Well, see you around Bloom!" Eddward looked like he was calculating and then turned around to face Eddy one last time before leaving.

"Mr. Bialystock, for a second, let's assume that you are a dishonest man."

"Assume away."

"You do realize that under the right circumstances, a producer could actually make more money with a flop than he can with a hit."

"What the heck are you talking about Bloom?" Eddy looked at him skeptically. Eddward sighed.

"The Internal Revenue Service isn't interested in the show that flopped." Eddy's eyes became wide. "You could've raised a million dollars, put on your $100,000 flop, and kept the rest!" Eddward opened the door and stepped outside. "Have a good day Mr. Bialystock." Eddy's eyes were wider than ever.

"WAIT!" Eddy's voice cut through Eddward's brain as he turned around to see an overexcited Eddy holding onto the doorway for his life. "I'VE GOT IT!" He pulled in the surprised Eddward back into the office and threw him into the chair. "Double-D-"

"Pardon?!"

"Your name Eddward is spelled with two Ds'. Double-D!" Eddward/Double-D nodded and still looked shocked. "You gave me an idea! The most money making idea I'veeverthought of! Five steps to wealth and women in loads!"

"Five steps?" Eddward/Double-D looked confused.

"Yes! Step 1: We find the worst play ever written. Step 2: We hire the worst director in town. Step 3: We raise two million dollars"

"Two?!"

"One for me, one for you! There's a lot of rich old trailer trash out there! Step 4: We hire the worst actors in New York and open on Broadway and before you can say Step 5, we close on Broadway, take our two million, and go to Rio!" Eddward looked like he was going to have a stroke. "What you think?"

"Never! This is madness!" Eddward/Double-D jumped up, grabbed the books and stuffed them into his briefcase. "It's worse than that, it's illegal!" He was about to storm out when Eddy dived and blocked the door. "Please move, I must do my primary job and return these books to Whitehall and Marks!"

"Bloom!" Eddy started to walk towards Eddward/Double-D who was forced to walk backwards until he tripped over the chair. "You said so yourself! You said that you wanted to quit your job and fulfill your dream of becoming a Broadway producer! This is your chance, take it!"

"I can't, I would be breaking the law!" Eddward/Double-D's eyes' shifted from left to right.

"Come on Bloom, we can do this!" Eddy jumped up on the desk, grinning like mad.

"What makes you think that?" Eddward/Double-D raised his torso so he could look at Eddy who was standing on the desk.

"Don't you see, Bloom. Darling Bloom, glorious Bloom. It's so simple." He raised his hand in a dramatic gesture.

"Step One: we find the worst play ever written. Step Two: we hire the worst director in town. Step Three: I raise two million dollars..."

"You already said this!"

"Yes, I love hearing this! Step Four: We hire the worst actors in New York and open on Broadway. And before you can say Step Five, we close on Broadway, take our two million and go to Rio.

"Rio?! That'd never work!"

"Oh ye of little faith." Eddy jumped down from the desk and pulled on a Davy Crocket hat.

_What did Lewis say to Clark  
When everything looked bleak?_ He pulled up Double-D and looked out over the mountains in his imagination.

_What did Sir Edmund say to Tenzing  
As they struggled toward Everest's peak?_ Eddy jumped onto the desk again and pointed off in the far difference.

_What did Washington say to his troops  
As they crossed the Delaware  
I'm sure you're well aware..._ He jumped down and hugged Double-D's shoulders'.

"What'd they say?" Double-D ducked out of Eddy's grip and slowly backed into a corner.

_We can do it, we can do it  
We can do it, me and you  
We can do it, we can do it  
We can make our dreams come true  
Everything you've ever wanted  
Is just waiting to be had  
Beautiful girls, wearing nothing but pearls  
Caressing you, undressing you  
And driving you mad_ Double-D's face became twisted with shock. He dived away from Eddy who had cornered him.

_We can do it, we can do it  
This is not the time to shirk  
We can do it, you won't rue it  
Say goodbye to petty clerk  
Hi, producer: yes, producer _Eddy pointed at Double-D from across the room, then jumping onto the desk chair._  
I mean you, sir, go beserk!  
We can do it, we can do it  
And I know it's gonna work  
Whatta ye say, Bloom?_ Eddy jumped from the chair to the desk, grinning at Double-D, holding out a hand towards the man.

_What do I say  
Finally a chance to be a Broadway producer!  
What do I say?  
Finally a chance to make my dreams come true, sir!  
What do I say, what do I say  
Here's what I say to you, sir... _Double-D inhaled deeply.

_I can't do it, I can't do it  
I can't do it, that's not me  
I'm a loser, I'm a coward  
I'm a chicken, don't you see?  
When it comes to wooing women_  
_There's a few things that I lack  
Beautiful girls, wearing nothing but pearls...  
Cashing me, embracing me  
I'd have an attack_Double-D started to walk towards the door when he heard Eddy's voice again.

_Why, you miserable, cowardly, wretched little caterpillar!_Eddy started to walk towards Double-D again, cornering him again.  
_Don't you ever want to become a butterfly?  
Don't you want to spread your wings and flap your way to glory?_

"No!" Double-D put his hand on the doorknob when Eddy started to speak again. Double-D was tired of him not listening at him so he started to speak as Eddy did. (A/N _Eddy_, **Double-D**)

_We can do it_  
**Mr. Bialystock, please stop the song**  
_We can do it _  
**You've got me wrong, I'll say 'so long'**  
_We can grab that holy grail!_  
**I'm not as strong, a person as you think**  
_We can do it_  
**Mr. Bialystock, just take a look**  
_We can do it_  
**I'm not a crook, I'm just a schnook**  
_Drink champagne, not ginger ale_  
**The bottom line, is that I stink!**  
_Double-D, oh!  
_**I...can't...**  
_Can't you see-o ..._  
**Do...it!**  
**You see Rio, I see jail! **Double-D made a run for the door, grabbing his briefcase on the way. Eddy, seeing this, threw a book that tripped Double-D.  
_We can do it!_  
**I can't do it!**  
_We can do it! _Eddy stood next to Double-D, offering to help him up. Double-D seeing this as his opportunity kicked Eddy's leg which made him collapse.  
**I can't do it!  
**_We can do it!_**  
I can't do it!  
**_We can do it!_**  
I can't do it!  
**_We can do- _Double-D had gotten up on his feet again, tearing the door open, turning in the doorway to face Eddy.

**I cannot, cannot, cannot, cannot, cannot, cannot do it  
'Cause I know it's gonna fail**. Double-D hurried down the halls' of Eddy's office building. Eddy got up and ran after him. He caught up with Double-D just as his elevator closed. Eddy pressed his cheek at the elevator door, screaming down the shaft.

"Fail, how could it miss? All you need is a little courage. Bloom, don't you realize there's a lot more to you than there is to you?" The words' bounced down the elevator shaft and entered Double-D's head, continued to spin all the way back to his own office. His own office, his own boring job with many limitations. 'Maybe Mr. Bialystock's offer wasn't so bad…'

* * *

Leave a review to tell me how this story is turning out. I find it… What do I care what I think? I care what you think! So, you read it, review it! Another thing is that I'm not sure about the cast in this fic'. I mean, of course, Double-D is Leo and Eddy is Max, but other than that, I've got three options:

The cast

Franz Liebkind – The German ex-nazi (Ex and ex) who's written the worst play ever that Leo and Max puts up.

Roger De Bris – The worst director in New York and flamboyant (stereotypical gay) and, if you read Max- I man Eddy's plan, is the one who'll direct the play.

Carmen Ghia – Roger De Bris' assistant and just as flamboyant boyfriend.

Ulla (lots of names) – Swedish, dimwitted girl whom Max hires as their secretary and whom Leo falls in love with.

Option 1: Rolf as Franz Liebkind, Jimmy as Roger De Bris, OC as Carmen Ghia and Nazz as Ulla (lots of names)

Option 2: Ed as Franz Liebkind, Jimmy as Roger De Bris, Sarah (transsexual) as Carmen Ghia and Nazz as Ulla (lots of names).

Option 3: (Yaoi) Rolf as Franz Liebkind, Kevin as Roger De Bris, Jimmy as Carmen Ghia and Nazz as Ulla and Ed as a person (most likely Ulla's brother) coming in with Ulla, auditions with her and ends up falling in love with Double-D.

Until then, guess who the guy in the opening act of "Funny boy" was! So tell me what you think (review) and… Have a nice summer! I need reviews'! Viva la France! God bless America! Rule Britannia! Britannia rule the waves! I'm going to stop before you start to hit me with sticks. Es lebe unser heiliges Deutschland! (That's it!) Get out of here Eddy, I don't debate with the charcters' in this fic'. What the- Stop poking me! Get that thing out of my face! What are you doing? No, don't come closer! AAH, SOMEBODY GET HIM OFF ME!! EXCUSE ME FOR ACTUALLY THINKING THAT TOM CRUISE WAS AWESOME IN VALKYRIE!!


	2. Two million and one!

* * *

What's happenin' Rerun? After attending confirmation camp for ten days (and getting confirmated yesterday, 5/7 - 09(confirmation is Christianity's Bar/Bat Mitzvah), I decided to take a moment and mention a fellow writer. The fellow writer is elejamie. elejamie has spoken his mind, and I agree, some of you are bad at reviewing. Come on, review! I don't care what I think, I hate my own works' 'cause I see lots an lots of faults in it!

* * *

Chapter 2 – Two million and one!

I do not own Ed, Edd n Eddy nor do I own the Producers.

"Mr. Marks! Mr. Marks!" The young accountant was hurrying down the hall of his office building, slowly watching the back of his suit getting closer. "Mr. Marks, I need to speak to you!" The suit stopped and Eddward Bloom's boss turned around to face the nervous man.

"What is it Bloom? I'm in a hurry!" Eddwar- Double-D's eyes shifted violently from Mr. Mark's walrus mustache to his own briefcase carrying the books that could put Eddy Bialystock in jail for insurance fraud to the painting on the wall. Toasted bread and gravy, what kind of a motive is that?

"Noth-nothing sir, it can wait."

"Fine then." The man with the great mustache turned around, cursing and continued in the opposite direction that Double-D was heading. He walked towards his desk to find today's work chores on the stack of sticky notes that was stuck to his chair. He sighed and pulled them off, one after one. While repeating this procedure day after day, he could after a while let his mind wander. His mind now remembered the words' Eddy Bialystock had yelled after him.

"_Don't you realize there's a lot more to you than there is to you?" _He pulled a sticky note off the arm of the chair that said: Call Marie Kanker. He sighed inwardly. Marie Kanker was one of three sisters that were living in trailers at a local trailer park. They had inherited millions worth of Euros after the passing of their fathers. And instead of moving to separate apartments, they invested their money in crappy Broadway musicals that flopped on opening night. Opening night, producer…

'_Maybe there is a lot more to me than there is to me'_ Double-D thought as he pulled off the last sticky note from the chair, put it in a neat stack on his desk and then sat down in his chair. He stared at the pile of sticky notes, sighed and started to go through the pile. _'Miss Kanker, Miss Kanker, Miss Kanker, Miss Kanker, Mom, Miss Kanker… Mr. Bialystock?'_ The sticky note with Eddy's name on was folded neatly and put in a box with small, folded papers labeled: Trash. _'Back to work…'_He decided not to call any of the people whose name was featured on the sticky notes. He sat down in his chair, but suddenly jumped up and started to walk towards the coffeepots'. His coworkers' was looking at him with raised eyebrows', why did Eddward Bloom who seemed to love accounting suddenly looked like his whole world had fallen apart. As Double-D poured up some coffee in a cup, specially labeled: Property of Eddward Bloom, he could hear the same word being repeated from his co-workers'. (A/N _Accountants,_ **Double-D**, _**Chorus Girls**_)

_Unhappy...unhappy...very unhappy  
Unhappy...unhappy...  
Very very very very very  
Very very unhappy_ Double-D poured some milk in the cup and walked over to a desk that belonged to a black accountant. (A/N Now, I'm not racist, but in the lyrics, it says black accountant and let's face it. It is 1959 in this fic'! I think…) The accountant showed him today's paper. Double-D shivered when he saw that Eddy's Broadway fiasco was on the front page. Double-D shook his head as the accountant opened his mouth to say something.

_Oh, I debits all duh mornin'  
An' I credits all duh eb'nin  
Until dem ledgers be right _Double-D and three other accountants nodded as if they agreed that that was their typical work day.

_Until dem ledgers be right. _Double-D waved goodbye to the man and got back to his desk, putting the coffee cup on it. He sat back down in the chair and sighed. He stared at the cup and started to verbalize his complaints.

**I spend my life accounting  
With figures and such**

_Unhappy _Double-D's neck snapped up to see a co-worker walk by, saying one word. He watched as the co-worker was gone, still looking at the back that was now disappeared behind a corner. He looked from the corner, back down to the coffee cup.

**To what is my life amounting  
It figures, not much**

_Unhappy_ Yet another co-worker of Double-D's walked by and said just one word. Double-D looked at the co-worker, even more puzzled this time.

**I have a secret desire **He looked at the co-workers' walking by his desk for a reaction. When he didn't get one, he continued.**  
Hiding deep in my soul **He jumped out of the chair and walked in front of his desk, looking from the left to right as if he was about to help a duck family over the road, when he was actually looking for the two co-workers that had walked by before.**  
It sets my heart afire  
To see me in this role **He gave up the search and walked around his desk, changing the radio station to one playing a tune that Disney would've called "jaunty" (A/N If you watch like Disney Treasures with Mickey Mouse with 'English for the hearing impaired', I'd like to believe that when Mickey is skipping/dancing, the subtitle reads (jaunty melody). He sat down in his chair, but quickly stood up, remembering that he had forgotten to put sugar in the coffee. He walked down the halls of the office building for the second time while someone turned up the "jaunty tune".

**I wanna be a producer  
With a hit show on Broadway  
I wanna be a producer  
Lunch at Sardi's every day **He looked down at his cup of coffee that now contained of the usual milk, poured in a 85 degrees angle and for two seconds, and two sugar cubes. He made a questionable face, put the cup down and turned around.

**I wanna be a producer  
Sport a top hat and a cane **He grabbed a nearby cane and started to spin it (seen House M.D.), while he somehow put on a nearby top hat.

**I wanna be a producer  
And drive those chorus girls insane! **He walked by a row of desks containing five women. They all sighed and looked after Double-D with dreamy eyes. He looked back at them and winked and the women fainted. He took the hat off and put it on a nearby desk together with the cane. During the walk back to his desk, he was in a cheery mood, greeting everybody in sight.

**I wanna be a producer  
And sleep until half-past two **He tried to jump over the desk into his chair but his foot got stuck at edge of the desk, sending him spinning into the chair.

**I wanna be a producer  
And say, "You, you, you, not you"**While he was thrown out of the chair, landing on the desk, chest down, a cane was thrown to him from outside the screen. He stood up and fumbled with the cane, yet was able to grab it and point it like a machinegun. He pointed his index finger at three people and pointed the cane at a statue of two people hugging. The music stopped as he pretended to fire but somehow, a bullet was fired and whizzed by the statue's faces'. Double-D ducked under the desk as the statues moved apart, pulling out revolvers', firing back at him. The music continued as a white flag appeared from under the desk, waving like crazy. Double-D's eyes appeared and the rest of him followed as he climbed up on the desk, grabbing the cane, whilst getting yet another top hat thrown on his head.

**I wanna be a producer  
Wear a tux on opening nights! **He climbed down from the desk, co-workers walking up to him, putting a tux on him and knocking the top hat down a little.

**I wanna be a producer  
And see my name "Double-D Bloom" in lights! **The lights' went out in the building, making Double-D looking around him nervously. When the light when back on, female co-workers had gathered around him, tap-dancing around him.

_**He wants to be a producer**_**  
Sell it, girls! **Double-D got hoisted up in the air, the girls carrying him through the halls' of the office building. He smiled down at the girls who smiled back up with dreamy eyes'.**  
**_**Of a great big Broadway smash  
**_**No hands' under the belt!  
**_**He wants to be a producer**_**  
**_**Ev'ry pocket stuffed with cash**_ He was let down by the girls and turned around facing them._**  
He wants to be a producer  
Pinch our cheeks 'til we cry **_The girls was now standing in a line when Double-D started to pinch their cheeks, walking down the line. The responses were mixed.  
_**Ouch!  
Eek!  
Ooh!  
Oh!  
Ahh!  
Yes! **_He turned around again, now facing a window while nodding, looking out over the city of New York. He never realized how beautiful the town was.  
_**He wants to be a producer  
With a great big casting couch!**_  
**I wanna be...** He turned around, grinning, and started to walk, past the girls who followed him, still looking at him with dreamy looks.  
_**He wants to be...**_  
**I wanna be...  
**_**He wants to be...**_**  
I wanna be the greatest, grandest  
And most fabulous producer in the world **Double-D had now reached his desk again. Climbing it, he stood on it in a victorious gesture.**  
**_**He wants to be a producer  
He wants to dine with a duchess and a duke**_  
**I just gotta be a producer  
Drink champagne until I puke**! The music stopped and everybody in the halls stopped and looked at Double-D with raised eyebrows'."M-my 'Sweet sixteen' contained of a trip to Egypt with my two friends. I-I'm convinced they still live at home." The girls made an attempt to leave. "I have my own apartment!" The girls turned at the desk and jumped up on it, well, the ones that could fit on it.  
_**Drink champagne 'til he pukes!**_**  
I wanna be a producer  
Show the world just what I've got  
I'm gonna put on shows  
That will enthrall 'em** Double-D put his arm around two of the girls, singing in unison.  
**Read my name in Winchell's column!** He let go of the girls, jumping down on the floor.  
**I wanna be a producer** He held a long note, then gave up and walked behind his desk to sit in his chair again.**  
'Cause it's everything I'm not** The chair creaked when he threw himself in the chair, his brain hardly able the movements of the accountants' walking by, repeating the same word over and over again.  
_Unhappy...unhappy...  
So unhappy_ Double-D's eyelids slowly closed as he joined in the song.  
**Very very very very very  
very very...**  
_...sad_ Double-D's eyelids closed as the accountants walked away to do their daily work. Double-D put his head on the desk, finally drifting off to sleep.  
**I wanna be a producer** He sat up violently fast, bringing the sixteen sticky notes that were stuck to his face. Shaking his head, he came to realize it was a daydream.

"But it was so real…" He mumbled. "But… What if this is my one and only shot? Hold everything! What I am I doing here? Mr. Bialystock was right!" He stood up and grabbed his briefcase. "There is a lot more to me than there is to me! Stop the world, I wanna get on!" He walked from his desk, walking past a row of desks' where medical personals' were treating five women. "What happened?"

"Apparently, these five women fainted at the same time, the cause unclear." Double-D's eyes got big as he continued to walk down the hall closer to the exit. Suddenly, he heard a voice behind him.

"Bloom, where do you think you're going?" Double-D sighed and turned around, walking towards the taller/fatter man.

"Mr. Marks, I've got news for you. I quit!" The whole office gasped. Double-D looked past Mr. Marks and at the office. He shrugged and stared his soon-to-be former boss. "Here's my visor...my Dixon Ticonderoga number two pencil... and my big finish!" He turned and jumped down the stairs, waving and shaking everybody's hands'.

**I'm gonna be a producer  
Sound the horn and beat the drum  
I'm gonna be a producer  
Look out Broadway, here I come!! **The girls and the accountants' watched as Double-D hurried out in the street, laughing and cheering.  
_Broadway, here he comes!_

* * *

Eddy was packing down his office in a suitcase, working fast. He'd expected the police there soon, if Double-D had handed over the books to his boss. Everything on the shelves' was forced down into the suitcase. A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts' and making him jump manically on the suitcase to force it closed. Then he heard a voice outside. (A/N _Eddy_, **Double-D**)

**I wanna be a producer  
Wear a tux on opening nights! **He ran towards the door and tore it open. Double-D Bloom was standing there, grinning like mad.

**I wanna be a producer  
And see my name "Double-D Bloom" in lights! **Eddy pulled him into his office, shaking his hand.

"Do you see, Bloom? Darling Bloom, glorious Bloom. It's so simple!" Eddy jumped on his desk.

_We can do it, you won't rue it  
Say goodbye to petty clerk  
Hi, producer: yes, producer  
I mean you, sir, go berserk!  
We can do it, we can do it  
And I know it's gonna work  
Whatta ye say, Bloom?_ Double-D grinned at his soon-to-be business partner.

_**What do I say  
Finally a chance to be a Broadway producer!  
What do I say?  
Finally a chance to make my dreams come true, sir!  
What do I say, what do I say  
Here's what I say to you, sir... **_Double-D inhaled deeply.

**We can do it  
We can do it  
We can grab that holy grail!  
We can do it  
We can do it  
Drink champagne, not ginger ale! **Double-D jumped up on the desk, holding out his hand to Eddy "Bialystock and Bloom?" Eddy smirked and grabbed Double-D's hand.

"Bialystock and Bloom!" They put their arms around each other**, **walking out of the office singing in unison.

_**We can do it, we can do it  
We can do it, me and you  
We can do it, we can do it  
We can make our dreams come true  
Everything we've ever wanted  
Is just waiting to be had  
Beautiful girls, wearing nothing but pearls  
Caressing us, undressing us  
And driving us mad!**_ Eddy had started to run while Double-D was a few feet behind.

"Where are we going Eddy?"

"Don't you remember Bloom? _Step 1: We find the worst play ever written!_"

"How?"

"The library!" Eddy was running faster now and Double-D was having a hard time keeping up.

"Eddy, do you know how many plays' that has been written in the last two thousand years?"

"Two thousand and one?"

"More like two million and one!" Double-D panted as he stopped next to Eddy, right outside the public library.

"Oh crap… Well, cancel your dinner plans!"

* * *

No last words, vacation, need to leave, subway to Stockholm central 20 minutes, train to across Sweden leaves in 60, no internet, half packed! Please point out little spelling errors people, I am a pedantic bastard, and I don't like reading what I write! Beta read please! Leaving, have a nice summer!


End file.
